I Will Always Remember...

...I woke this morning with a sickening feeling. Mark left early to participate in a moment of silence and the White House. I did not know how to act today, so I moved forward in my own silence. I drove to work in silence, not wanting to listen to the radio. I did not want to read a newspaper. I could not explain my emotions. All I know, is that I never want to forget.

I initially avoided all news/media this morning, and then I read my friend Carrie's blog post. Carrie always had the right words. Reading this was as if Carrie and I were having a conversation and she was speaking directly to my heart, consoling me.

I want to share with you what she wrote, so eloquently:

"This morning I woke up before my alarm and peaked out my window at the morning-gold striped clouds... searching, grasping, for a mourning that was just not there. And when I realized it wasn't, and knew how important it is to me that today remains meaningful and alive, I prayed for the privilege of carrying my portion of our nation's grief for one more year.

Tears came following a silent Amen.

I'm not a masochist. It's just that on September 11, 2001, I remember knowing in my very core that I would not - could not - ever be part of the masses that would let it go. I could not be part of the camp that thinks we should not pause on this day every year; that perhaps America's resolve is best displayed by moving on. I see this argument. I see why people think this. But I will not be one of them. Ever. I want my grandbabies to be able to see the same tears well in my eyes 50 years from now that did 7 years ago and do today.

So pardon me if my red striped shirt and lapel pin flag are over the top. Excuse me if "America the Beautiful" from my car on the commute to work is irritatingly loud. Please forgive my inability to pull away from the 24 hour news network images from that morning.

And if I'm quiet, please leave me to remembering Mom waking me up in a panic that morning and pulling me into the study to see what none of us could understand. Allow me to remember what it felt like on September 11, 2002 to walk around the White House when a helicopter passed overhead and stopped every person on the street in their tracks to look up and reassure themselves it was allowed to be there. Let me reflect on Speaker Hastert's speech on the Southeast Steps on 9/11/06 when I really grasped that my colleagues and the Capitol dome overhead was still there thanks to the "Let's Roll" attitude of Flight 93. And for today, let it be okay for me to desperately want to remember what I was worried about forgetting."

You can read more from Carrie on her blog: Everything Glorious