Heart thoughts on rest...

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It has been months since I first realized I was in a bit of an identity crisis.  How do you fill the many roles?  I promised to blog about it, but couldn't find the right words.  Then Sunday at church, a guest pastor struck a cord and my hand couldn't stop moving.

What does rest look like in your life?  Is reading blogs, catching up on twitter, or perusing pinterest "restful" or is there a sense of busyness about that?  I am goal oriented and often set quotas for myself {yes, even my down time} defeating the purpose of rest.

Can you find rest amidst the busyness?  I am not sure that I can truly rest living in a city.  Living here, I am now certain that I wouldn't choose another city for a vacation.  The hustle and bustle is now where I unwind.

I pack and schedule and fill my moments of quiet perhaps because I have a fear of stillness that true rest might bring.  A fear of wasting time that has proven even more precious and recently also quite scarce.  My thoughts often start with a twinge of worry. But what about... What will happen if... How can I rest when...

And then flip the coin.  Am I able to find rest or joy in the things that fill my day?  Do I find cooking for my family, playing with my son, walking to church times of joy or a responsibility/chore/task to which I begrudgingly oblige?  Perhaps if I took the time to truly rest then I would be able to find deeper joy in my many blessings.  I have a family to cook for, a son to play with, and legs to carry me through this incredible city, a place I get to call home.

That is where my heart has been recently.

"We need Jesus to give us a spiritual assessment of whether we rest with soul rest.  Or whether we're still on the treadmill of trying to prove our very existence."   -- Rev. John Hutchinson